Men Not Taught to Be Men, They’re Taught Not to Be Women: Ishaan Khatter

Masculinity and gender identity have always been topics of intense debate. Recently, Ishaan Khatter, the acclaimed Bollywood actor, stirred meaningful conversations by offering a candid and thoughtful perspective on what it means to be a man in today’s society. In a world where rigid gender norms still influence how we think, work, and behave, his observations shed light on how upbringing, cinema, and culture intersect to shape our understanding of masculinity.

In this article, we explore Ishaan Khatter’s viewpoint, unpack his core message that “men are not taught to be men; they’re just taught not to be women,” and examine why this insight matters for both individuals and society at large.

What Ishaan Khatter Meant by His Remark

At a recent Yuvaa All Stars Roundtable 2025, Ishaan Khatter reflected on traditional definitions of masculinity. According to him: “Men are not taught to be men; they’re just taught not to be women.”

This may seem like a simple statement, but it carries a powerful implication. Rather than learning what positive traits define a man—such as empathy, responsibility, and emotional strength—many boys are conditioned only in contrast to women. In other words, they’re told what not to be instead of what healthy masculinity truly looks like.

Ishaan’s view challenges the often unspoken social rules that subtly (and sometimes explicitly) define gender roles. His insight invites a deeper discussion about how society, family, education, and media shape masculine identities through what is prohibited rather than what is encouraged.

How Upbringing Shaped His View on Masculinity

Raised by a Single Mother

For Ishaan Khatter, his personal journey has played a significant role in shaping his views on gender and identity. Raised primarily by his mother, actress Neelima Azeem (after his parents separated when he was six), Ishaan credits his upbringing for giving him a broader perspective on empathy and relationships.

Growing up in a single-parent household meant that Ishaan didn’t learn masculinity through a typical patriarchal lens. Instead, he learned by observing strength in care, resilience, and compassion—traits often labeled as “feminine” in traditional gender norms. This exposure helped him understand that qualities like sensitivity and emotional intelligence are not inherently female traits but human ones.

His upbringing challenges the old idea that masculinity must always be hard, silent, or emotionally closed off. For Ishaan, being a man includes being human first—with all the emotions, connections, and vulnerabilities that come with it.

Influence of the Female Gaze in Cinema

A Different Lens Through Film

Since making his debut in 2017, Ishaan Khatter has worked with several female filmmakers such as Mira Nair, Nupur Asthana, and Priyanka Ghose. These collaborations have contributed to his understanding of storytelling, character depth, and gender representation on screen.

Ishaan believes that working under female directors exposed him to the “female gaze”—a perspective that emphasizes emotional nuance, complex relationships, and inner lives rather than simply outward toughness or power. In his own words, being “subject to the female gaze” helped him better understand different perspectives and the importance of empathy.

In a film industry often criticized for showcasing hypermasculine heroes, Ishaan’s choice of roles and collaborations suggests a conscious effort to portray men who express strength through depth, sensitivity, and relevance to real human experience.

Why This Topic Matters Today

Redefining Masculinity in Modern Culture

Ishaan’s statement resonates in a broader cultural moment where conversations about gender roles are transforming. For decades, boys and men worldwide have been socialized to suppress emotions, show toughness at all costs, and equate masculinity with dominance or aggression.

But this understanding is increasingly challenged by educators, psychologists, and activists who argue that healthy masculinity includes emotional awareness, cooperation, and mutual respect—not just physical strength or dominance.

When boys are only taught what not to be, they miss out on learning about emotional balance, self-awareness, and interpersonal skills. Ishaan’s perspective underscores a shift from limiting definitions to more inclusive understandings of what it means to be a man.

Impact on Society and Personal Growth

A more nuanced model of masculinity benefits everyone. Men who learn to engage with emotions constructively are more likely to build healthier relationships, communicate better, and contribute to more equitable communities.

In societies where rigid gender roles still cause harm, redefining what it means to be a man can reduce issues like emotional repression, violence, and toxic competitiveness. Instead, it fosters emotional literacy, respect for all genders, and a culture of mutual understanding.

What We Can Learn from Ishaan Khatter’s Insight

1. Masculinity Isn’t Just “Not Being a Woman”

Ishaan’s key point reminds us that simply defining masculinity through contrast (what men aren’t) leaves men without a positive framework for who they are. Instead of resisting traits associated with femininity, men can embrace qualities like empathy, vulnerability, and care as part of their identity.

This doesn’t diminish masculinity—it expands it.

2. Emotional Intelligence Is a Strength

Rather than seeing emotions as a weakness, Ishaan’s outlook encourages men to be emotionally perceptive and expressive. Emotional intelligence allows men to connect deeply with others, handle conflict with maturity, and understand themselves better.

This shift doesn’t make men “less of themselves”—it makes them more complete.

3. The Role of Cinema and Storytelling

Media matters. When films and narratives show men as complex individuals—capable of sadness, kindness, compassion, and introspection—they challenge outdated stereotypes. Ishaan’s collaborations with female filmmakers show that alternative perspectives in storytelling can broaden societal views on gender roles.

Conclusion: Moving Beyond Old Notions

Ishaan Khatter’s comment that “men are not taught to be men; they’re just taught not to be women” opens an important conversation about masculinity, identity, and emotional intelligence in contemporary culture. Rather than defining gender through opposition, his perspective invites us to rethink what positive traits constitute a complete human being—irrespective of gender.

By embracing empathy, emotional depth, and mutual respect, society can foster healthier, more balanced versions of masculinity that benefit everyone. Ishaan’s insights remind us that being a man is not about rigid traits or outdated expectations—it’s about being human with all the complexity and richness that comes with it.

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